How good was last night’s opening ceremony?

No seriously, was it any good? I never watch those things; I’d rather watch Melbourne embarrass themselves against Geelong.

It’s meant to be a sporting event, not a play, for goodness sake. Just get on with the sport!

Hang on, the Games had already begun when the soccer kicked off on Wednesday.

Maybe they should rename it the almost-opening ceremony.

If this gets out imagine the Chinese Government's red faces, no wonder they censor the media.

Typing of censorship, George Negus recently revealed on Dateline that China has five forbidden topics that it doesn’t want the media to cover.

Not to be outdone, I thought it best to lay down my own five forbidden topics:

1. The medal count – The yanks always win anyway, so who cares about the ding-dong battle for fifth. The Aussie Olympic Committee even wastes tax-payers money on modelling to find out just how many medals we will win. Now there’s money well spent.
2. USA’s basketball team – The fact that these guys are even allowed at the Olympics is a disgrace. Not happy with earning millions of dollars playing a boring sport that always comes down to the last two minutes, now they want gold medals to put in their pool room. But if they lose, the boot will be sunk in.
3. Tennis – Same rules apply as with the USA basketball team. The fact that none of the top players have a personality certainly doesn’t help their cause.
4. Swimming – Australia’s obsession with the medal haul of our swimmers is out of control. I remember the good old days when we were hopeless and Jon Sieben slipstreamed Michael Gross in the 200m butterfly to cause a massive upset, great stuff. Watching Grant Hackett win another gold medal, yawn, wake me up when it’s over. But if Nick “Hitman” D’Arcy was over there breaking heads, I wouldn’t miss a minute…