LAST Sunday I drove past what looked like the best party I have ever seen in my life.
It was about 2.30pm and I'd just dropped my little brother off to watch his mate play soccer.
I was cruising through Beaumaris back to my grandparents' house when I saw a giant jumping castle in the front yard of a house.
As I got closer I realised that there was no one jumping on it and about 20 kids were standing around the front yard.
I was curious to see why all the kids were just standing there and then I saw him.
Batman.
And he was playing the guitar.
How awesome is that? That kid is going to be the coolest guy at school.
All his friends' parents are going to hate his parents though because they're going to have to outdo it for their kids' birthdays.
Next thing you know kids' parties will have bouncers at their balloon-adorned gate, maybe even a VIP line for the cool kids, and all the invites will be sent out on Facebook.
Forget the fairy bread and party pies, children are becoming connoisseurs of the party circuit and only the best will do.
By the time these children are 12 years old they will be swilling champagne and chortling at their immature younger siblings.
"When I was ten, I was going to at least four different themed parties every Saturday afternoon,'' they'll scoff.
Kids parties are a lucrative business these days.
I remember when I was little the Maccas party was the ultimate under 10 hangout.
The Maccas near my place had an old train carriage as part of the playground that was especially reserved for parties.
I never had one of these chicken nugget-fuelled parties where everyone wore cardboard crowns, but when I turned five my folks got me a clown for my birthday.
A few weeks ago I wrote about my fear of people in animal costumes (especially that terrifying Prime possum) but apparently I didn't mind the white-faced, red-lipped characters back then.
My sister also had a witch come to her party, which I was extremely jealous of, but it was an ultra-cool party nonetheless.
I've spoken before about my best friend Kelly.
Kel spent three years at the University of Ballarat transforming herself from timid and meek to outgoing and chic.
As an acting student she blossomed and was soon taking on larger than life roles and coming out of her shell.
She graduated at the end of last year and has spent this year touring Australia with fellow UB acting graduate Nicole doing educational plays in primary schools.
This week Kel and Nicole revisited their Ballarat roots and did a few shows at Smythesdale Primary School.
But while Kelly is now a seasoned performer with a reputable background, she had a sly job on the weekend that gave her enough cash to get through uni.
Every weekend, she would make up her face and sprinkle glitter in her hair.
She'd pull on a tutu and slip the wings over her shoulders and enter the room with an air of confidence.
She was Fairy Sparkle.
Every weekend she'd drive from party to party, entertaining kids with a touch of magic dust.
She was highly sought-after and became well known in the competitive world of themed parties.
But Fairy Sparkle has hung up her wings and will soon venture into the world to travel for a few years.
If I ever have kids I'm going to get her out of retirement and throw and old-fashioned kids' party.
Bring on the fairy bread, pass the parcel, party pies and sausage rolls.
I'm going to be the parent everyone hates for all the wrong reasons.
I won't be throwing the biggest, flashiest most expensive parties, but I'll be sending all their kids home hyped up on sugar and red cordial.
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