I'm allergic to lycra. It makes me itch.

When I wear it I feel the urge to scratch. And if I go camping, I like solitude, nothing but me and maybe a family member or pal.

And the wilderness of course. I like that, as long as there's an esky nearby.

And bikes? They're okay, I suppose. I think the Dutch have the right idea. In Amsterdam they ride big old bicycles they chain up to bridge railings and light poles.

The Dutch have a practical, no-nonsense approach. Two wheels and pedals are an easy and cheap way to get from one point of the city to the other.

The Chinese are the same. Great schools of commuters bustling along city streets. In those countries, cyclists own the road.

But in Australia, there's a new-style war evolving.

Cyclists here were once the poor cousins. But now their numbers have grown, and riding a bicycle has become so politically correct, that many two-wheelers have a sense of road ownership far exceeding their vulnerability.

In Britain now, I'm told, cyclists will actually thump the tops of four-wheel-drives as a sign of protest against conspicuous consumption.

And this is ironic.

Surely cycling is the new golf or yachting, a way to impress your friends and neighbours with how much discretionary income you've got to blow on on a Monocoque C-7 carbon frame with Shimano shifters and Mavic Ksyrium Elite rims (whatever they are).

And what is it with cyclists and leg hair? Hard-core riders get their legs waxed. What is this about?

A cycling pal tells me it's to make it easier to treat grazes if they fall, but I have my doubts.

I suspect leg waxing is another fashion statement and a way to highlight muscled calves beneath the lycra.

So what am I doing spending a week riding and camping out with 4250 cycling nuts?

My bike is 10 years old. I originally bought if for my son from Cash Converters. I've ripped off the training wheels.

I don't own any lycra. My legs are reassuringly hairy. And I'm just a little daunted by the distances involved.

Maybe it's a mid-life crisis? I've had a few of those already.

Or perhaps I've got something to prove?

A bike is after all a utilitarian tool to get from one place to another. It's there to get the job done, like a microwave or a refrigerator.

And everything else is for show.

So for me, next week will be like flying economy ... on a budget airline ... from a Third World country.

I will arrive at my destination at the same time as those people flying at the front of the plane. I will be a bit crumpled maybe, and probably a bit sore, but it will all be at a fraction of the cost. No frills, no fuss.

So let the ride begin!