Walking in a winter wonderland.’’

Could there possibly be a more stupid song to be singing in Australia in December?

Winter-freakin’-wonde rland? Maybe there’s been some

timely rain, but that’s about it. Come mid-December, it will by 30 degrees plus.

And yet, there we will be, wandering through any number of shopping precincts in town, on days when a

tank top makes far more sense than a sweater, and what should come filtering through the PA but a ditty singing the virtues of snow bells.

It’s as if the shopping centres want to mock us about how freaking hot it is in Ballarat in a typical Victorian

summer by presenting images of the polar opposite.

But it gets worse.

‘‘Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul,

With a corncob pipe and a button nose

And two eyes made out of coal.’’

Not content with torturing us, it would appear they even want to take out their fury on an innocent snowman.

Maybe I’m hypersensitive to this.

For four straight Christmases I worked for a discount

department store.

That’s four straight Novembers and Decembers of being

slowly anaesthetised by a collection of tunes surely no one would want to listen to at any other time of the year. It drove me mad (maybe explains a lot).

And why they feel the need to start playing Christmas carols in November is beyond me. Parents aren’t stupid, they don’t need a reminder two months in advance they need to start panic buying in time for December 25.

Now, I’m no Ebenezer Scrooge. I’m actually quite fond of

Christmas. Sure, these days I’m more into the Christian story of new birth and hope than Santa and reindeer, but

giving presents to nieces and nephews is really quite nice. And I get a kick out of the Christmas lights in

Wendouree.

But, maybe we could ditch a bit of the winter solstice symbolism in favour of something a fraction more appropriate? And if that means bye bye Jingle Bells, well so be it? Please?