VICTORIA _ The Place To Be.
The place to be what? Insipid and uninspiring if what's stencilled on our state's number plates is anything to go by.
Every time I see a number plate with that meaningless platitude on it I feel utterly embarrassed. God, I hope no one from South Australia or Queensland sees it because it is just so mind-numbingly twee it makes me want to strangle something cute and furry.
Worse, it paints the people of Victoria as pathetic drips who have little interesting to say about this great state in which we live.
If you think this is some kind of overreaction about something so trivial, then ask yourself why bother even putting a little motto on our number plates?
I'll tell why I care. Because someone was actually paid to come up with that stupid, annoying little piece of meaningless banality.
Frankly, if that's the best statement this State Government can come up with to represent the people of Victoria, just save money on useless consultants and leave it at simple VIC*777, or whatever.
At worst we could have left it as "Victoria _ On The Move" which, while it prompted the "on the move ... to Queensland" cheap shots from up north, at least indicated we were a proactive lot down here.
Someone saw it as politically tainted, though _ fair enough too _ and decided it needed to change.
But they could have at least come up with something good. It's not that hard.
Now, this isn't another excuse to have a crack at the Labor Party. ALP governments in other states have been perfectly capable of coming with little number plate slogans that actually mean something about those states. Some of them have been pretty cool.
I quite like New South Wales' "The First State", for example. It has a delightful smugness that is just oh-so-Sydney, and it says something that's both true and worth boasting about.
The Premier State? Equally pompous for a state that doesn't like letting anyone from any other part of the country into the Australian cricket team.
"Queensland _ The Sunshine State" and "South Australia _ The Festival State" are as good as tourism ads. Want to go to a festival? Head to South Oz. Need a tan, Queensland might be good for you.
But better still is Tasmania's "Exploring The Possibilities". It's clever, appropriate and maybe a little saucy.
Western Australia's dopey "The Real Thing", however, sounds like it was made up by the same twit who spawned Victoria's lame motto. Either that or a fan of overrated 60s music.
But even "The Real Thing" means more than "The Place To Beeeee".
I reckon the best one we've had in Victoria was the first one.
Victoria _ Garden State, said something about us and painted our state in an attractive light.
Introduced in 1977, it served both Labor and Liberal-National governments well, and is not tainted with the smell of politics.
The Garden State: bring it back!
You know I'm right about this.
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