COLIN Holmes has a simple explanation for his prolific letters to the editor output.
“I write to prove to my critics that my head is not there just to hold my ears apart,” he joked.
Mr Holmes began putting his opinion into print 17 years ago and is just 10 letters away from having number 400 published.
He is also philosophical about all the others that haven’t made it into the paper.
“I have about a 40 per cent strike rate, but that’s OK.”
Mr Holmes’ all-time favourite letter was about controversial former politician Pauline Hanson.
“The letter found its way to her and she replied to me. Her letter was addressed from in jail.”
At this stage he plans to retire on letter 500 – “providing all our politicians are lifters with no leaners”.
“If I write enough, I may solve all the country’s problems, thus rendering me superfluous to the editor’s needs.
"If I write enough, I may solve all the country’s problems, thus rendering me superfluous to the editor’s needs"
“My untimely retirement may come when we are governed by the far left, or far right, which is conceivable.”
Mr Holmes said he once asked The Courier’s then editorial secretary if all the more prolific letter writers’ tallies were put on a graph on the lunch room wall.
“She scoffed at me, saying she had more to do than that.”
He becomes only slightly more serious when asked what motivates him to write a letter to the editor.
“Today’s headlines and correcting anyone daring to contradict my narrow-minded, bigoted viewpoint.”
However, Mr Holmes’ real motivation is finally revealed.
“We are given two hands and two ears and two eyes, but only one mouth.
“Thus we should write, listen and read twice as much as we talk.”
Colin's favourite letter:
Seeking a new flame, politically speaking
AT the supermarket purchasing matches, I had to choose between the Redhead or the Dickheads.
Now an election is looming, who do I vote for?
The worry with the Redhead is that no amount of blowing can put it out. Even spitting on it is futile.
We have seen decades of bickering, arguing, lost and thrown away opportunities and money trees ringbarked, uprooted and sold overseas for woodchips and matchsticks.
Like most male voters, I am seeking a new flame in my life (politically speaking), but I don't want it to erupt into an all-consuming bonfire with my voting fingers burnt.
Dear Dick Smith, for preference please find a more acceptable alternative, a breath of fresh air like 'union' matches. They strike then go out.
Maybe we could arrange of a bit of matchmaking between the two groups and have Redheaded Dickheads.
- Colin Holmes