As a man who has worked against men's violence against women for many years, I too have been concerned with current "gently, gently" approaches to engaging men in violence prevention and gender equality projects.
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I have been in numerous policy forums on violence against women where the discussion about engaging men shifts away from accurately naming men's responsibility for the perpetuation of violence and the reproduction of patriarchy.
When the engagement of men is sought in anti-violence and gender equality campaigns, the question too often asked is: "What's in it for men?''
Attempts to engage men in such work are often at pains to argue that men have much to gain from involvement.
But emphasising the positive outcomes for men of their involvement in gender equality and anti-violence work can fail to address the resistances that men have to relinquishing their privilege and acknowledging their complicity in the reproduction of gender inequality.
If we are to effectively engage men in building gender equality, we have to disengage them from the structures and processes of patriarchy.
Many men feel defensive when the language of patriarchy is used to describe institutionalised male power. However, in ensuring that men do not get defensive, we avoid the opportunity to challenge men about their responsibility and complicity.
If well-meaning men refuse to examine their own complicity in reproducing a violence-prone culture, the changes required to bring about an end to men's violence against women will be much slower to develop.