“BE quiet. Men are talking,” I said to a female colleague when she made an attempt to join a conversation I was having.
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I didn’t mean any malice by the comment. Truthfully, I was happy to include the colleague in the conversation. But I was making an explicitly sexist, offensive joke for a cheap laugh.
Immediately after I said it, I knew a line had been crossed.
Something didn’t sit right with me and I knew the comment came from somewhere deeply ingrained in my way of thinking: that sexism is something to make jokes about.
I’ve questioned mates who refer to women using offensive, explicit language, which I too, have been guilty of.
I want someone to explain to me why local football netball clubs pay the boys, but not the girls.
Or why the 2012 Daily Telegraph’s sportsman of the year was awarded to Michael Clarke, while race horse Black Caviar was recognised as the sportswoman of the year even though Sally Pearson won gold at the London Olympics.
However subtle or extreme these incidents are, they are reflections of an unequal society and what I see as the foundation blocks for violence against women. Do not mistake me, there is a strong belief in our community that women and men should be treated as equals. But there remains a minority of men in this community who believe it acceptable to punch a woman.
These men are at the extreme end of the spectrum of inequality, but they are still in the same spectrum as most men who think sexism is something to joke about.
This is what needs to change. Since telling my female colleague to “be quiet, men are talking”, I’ve challenged everything I thought I knew about feminism, sexism and inequality.
The next step for me is to talk about these challenges with my mates, my family and everyone else.
On White Ribbon Day, I will stand in the Ballarat Town Hall and make an oath to not remain silent about violence against women. And I will not remain silent about sexism either.
david.jeans@fairfaxmedia.com.au