"I was just going to hit the brakes and turn around, but we were expecting visitors and I was running late so I kept going," he said.

This was, at most, three hours before Stephen Alan McPhee, 57, stabbed his wife Cathy McPhee, 58, to death in their Mildura home in January last year. McPhee was sentenced to 20 years  prison with a 16-year non-parole period after pleading guilty to her murder, a sentence that was reduced on appeal by three years in July this year.

He and Mrs McPhee, a mother of four boys from a previous relationship and a disability carer, had been married for four years and their relationship was punctured by McPhee's possessiveness and jealously. At the time of her murder, Mrs McPhee was planning to leave him.

The trouble for Mr Scales and his wife Sue was all those stories of possessiveness and control that might have made Mr Scales stop that day came out all too late.

"We thought they were in love, really in love and I didn't see any of it. People come and tell you now and say 'I didn't want to tell you in case something happened'," Mr Scales said.

Tuesday marks White Ribbon Day, a national day of awareness of domestic violence, and in their isolated border town, the Scales have joined local campaigns in an effort to stop the cycle.

Mildura has the third highest rate for domestic violence assaults in Victoria. And circumventing an intervention order in Mildura is as simple as crossing the Murray River.

On Sunday, the Scales joined community leaders and emergency services from both sides of the border in a march across the bridge that joined Victoria and NSW in a symbolic move to pressure the federal government to implement a national intervention order.

"We've got to stand together. It's a beautiful community, but domestic violence has to be seen as bad as ice or alcohol-fuelled violence," Mrs Scales said.

Prime Minister Tony Abbott announced in July that funding has been allocated to develop a National Domestic Violence Order Scheme, but it is unclear when such an order will come into effect.

Dareton is a small town just 10 minutes drive over the border from Mildura. Dareton Detective Sergeant Dennis McLaughlan said the examples of offenders using borders to circumvent orders could be found at most towns dotted along state lines.

"We had a victim (from NSW) the other day, her ex-partner knew their daughter had a hairdresser's appointment in Mildura and he waited for her outside and told her, 'You can't do anything because you're in Victoria'," Detective Sergeant McLaughlan said.

"She reported it to us and we had to tell her the order wasn't enforceable, that she was going to have to go through and put it in place in Victoria as well. She said 'What are you saying? I'm not protected?"