I AM slow. Painfully so.
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But I am ever mindful the Holden Commodore Street Stock speedway car is not my property, the concrete barriers are unnervingly close and - as the Tina Turner song from Mad Max 3 goes - we don't need another hero.
Our session at Redline Raceway begins with demonstration laps by Street Stock contender Scott Purdie, who rounds the oval at impressive speed and has the Metowu Mechanical Services Commodore sideways through every turn. It is a lesson in how to do it properly and (when the car breaks into an unintended spin) a reminder even the experts can get it wrong.
We suit up and then climb Dukes of Hazard-like through the window. The safety harness goes on and, finally, the steering wheel clicks into place.
WATCH GAV HAVE A CRACK AT SPEEDWAY:
The Metowu Commodore is a VY model. Given I've owned one it gives us a chance to compare how similar it is with a road car. And the answer is "not much".
Everything which makes a road car comfortable (even the windshield) has been stripped out to save weight. Replacing them are a steel roll cage (which I hope not to put to the test), crude switches and a metal shaft which serves as a gear shift for the five speed manual.
Scott gives us a final briefing - "keep it in third and keep it off the walls" - and we are left to our own devices.
A flick of a switch and a press of a button and the Commodore roars into life. The engine may be merely a re-worked 3.8-litre Holden V6 but it rumbles with the ferocity of a V8. I crunch it into first to get things rolling, then second and third and we're out onto the oval.
There is nothing subtle about a Street Stock. It growls and shakes as we get up to speed. And it is a mere second or two before we have to muscle around the first turn. And "muscle" is the correct term because there is no power steering.
After a lap or two of roaring around and I have got a bit of confidence - perhaps too much - because upon putting the foot down the rear wheels start sliding alarmingly. I get a view of the centre of the oval as the rear end tries to pass the front. I back off a bit.
Of course getting it sideways is what you are supposed to do but our photographer sitting next to me - Jeremy Bannister - has a wife and children, and I don't know how up to date his life insurance is.
The fact I am not exactly threatening the lap record does not detract from the fact it is a hoot. From the outside I suspect I look like I'm going at a leisurely pace but inside the car I feel like sprintcar legend Brooke Tatnell. The Commodore slides a little - I feel like I'm riding a bronco.
A dozen laps is over far too soon. It is a rush and that's despite the fact there are no other cars on the track. I'm clearly not a dirt track cowboy but you don't have to be a superstar to have a blast on the speedway.
SCOTT Purdie, pictured left, has opted for less power to find more competition.
The Ballarat-based driver started out in a purpose-built Formula V8. However he has passed that VE Clubsport on to his boss Greg Raggett and is instead driving the technically more modest Street Stock this season.
“Street Stocks is a lot more competitive,” Scott, who turns 23 on Sunday, explains.
“It is a lot harder to drive the Street Stock. I actually think it’s more fun but that’s more about the level of competition. It’s also because with the Street Stocks you can compete all over Australia.”
Scott has been racing speedway for five years and won his debut race in Formula V8s.
On April 25 he will contest the King of the Mount for Street Stocks at Redline Raceway against about 50 other drivers. It is probably the biggest meet for Street Stocks in Victoria apart from the state title itself.
“I think I’m a top 10 chance. After that, it all comes down to luck,” he said.
IT takes surprisingly little to launch into speedway.
Join a club, stump up less than 10 large on a car, helmet and race suit and you're on your way.
There's not really much more to it actually it, according to Redline Raceway president Mick Purdie.
"Most people would think it would be expensive but it's not really," Mr Purdie explains. "Like a lot of sports the initial set-up is the big thing.
"There are state-based classes you can get into a car for $2000 to $3000. You might need to spend $700 for a race suit, helmet package. But once you have that you can race a Standard Saloon which is just about the cheapest form of speedway racing there is."
Mr Purdie said the major barrier for budding race car drivers (apart from finance of course) was knowing where to start.
He said the first step was to join a club where there would be people who could show the ropes. And, unlike other forms of motorsport, where drivers need to do a course and get a special licence, speedway racers learn on the go.
"Once you join a club, you fill in the forms, pay about $50 to join and you're at the start line," Mr Purdie explains.
"You do need to get a licence with the Victorian Speedway Council which might be around the $250 mark. But you don't need to do a full driving course, merely a flag test and read the rule book. They'll put you straight out on the track at the back of the field to get a feel for it. It's about hands-on experience."
While there are racing categories which are particularly well suited to beginners, there is nothing (short of money) to prevent someone beginning in something a bit more extreme, like Greg Raggett's United Motorsport VE Clubsport Unlimited Sedan.
"There is no real class for novices. Entry level might be Standard Saloons but there are guys who have been racing Standard Saloons for 10 years," Mr Purdie says. "Juniors can start from 10-16 years old, with seniors from 16 up to your 70-year mark. Some of the kids are very switched on, and the girls are mixing it up with the boys."
Another concern for newcomers is safety, naturally enough. However Mr Purdie insists the track can be safer than the road.
"Safety is a major priority. You have full racesuit, neck brace and helmet, you have a roll cage around you, you are strapped in a five point harness. Everyone is going the same way, around a circle," he says.
"Street stocks can get up to 100kmh, while an Unlimited Sedan might get up to 150km/h. If you are still learning and there are other guys lapping you, you may get shown a blue flag with a yellow dot which means you have to hold your line and to let a faster guy lap you and go past."
www.redlineraceway.org.au