RADIO station 3AW gave suspended broadcaster John Michael Howson an enforced vocal-cord break over his Nazi ''Sieg Heil'' taunt to Julian Assange's mother, Christine, so he'll have a backlog of rants when his one-month ban expires on September 23. The outspoken showbiz veteran has been crossing his fingers that tickets sell for his musical More Sex Please … We're Seniors but he won't be schmoozing with the opening night crowd on October 31 to celebrate his labour of creative love. The production was originally due to open later this month but was postponed, creating a clash with Howson jetting off and hosting a tour of the US with Wings Away Travel. But there is a positive to missing your own show: ''As opening nights are always stressful (for me at least), I won't be pacing up and down the foyer of the Comedy Theatre chewing the ends of my bow tie.'' Howson will spend October 31 with Halloween trick-or-treaters in Boston and embrace the spookiness by taking his gaggle of group bookers to the Salem Witch Museum, a monument named after the witch trials of 1692. The well-stocked gift shop sells a ''Stop by for a spell'' mug that's ideal for friends and enemies.
Protesters deliver gift
ART usually resides inside the National Gallery of Victoria but in the black of the night, a street artist named CDH and sympathisers placed a protest artwork outside the St Kilda Road edifice to protest the ''obstructionism placed on street art by our civic institutions''. The ''Trojan Petition'' came with a gift-wrapped spanner, the tool needed to dismantle the four-metre circular creation, and was addressed to NGV director Tony Ellwood. The petition also doubled as a ''Welcome back gift'' for the impeccably dressed leader after he steered the Queensland Art Gallery. CDH, also known as Chris, wants street artists to be known as ''culturally significant'' instead of vandals, saying they were stifled by the Graffiti Prevention Act 2007. ''Rather than signing the petition, artists were invited to paint a panel,'' he said. CDH was assisted by an able crew of fascinating others: Baby Guerilla, Mysterious Al, Calm, Phoenix the Street Artist and Junky Projects.
Food statistics to digest
DELICIOUSLY decorated cakes are integral to birthday parties, but The Smith restaurant and bar in Prahran saluted its first year of operation by spouting statistics about popular menu items. In a most unusual way. The triumvirate comprising Michael Lambie, Scott Borg and George Sykiotis placed fact sheets on toilet walls, allowing guests to survey the information while otherwise occupied. ''Thanks for helping us consume 1465 bottles of Veuve Clicquot, 4480 espresso martinis and 22,784 soft-shell crab tortillas.'' The proof was in the pudding - or delicious tortillas - that were voraciously gobbled by a guest-list bustling with Frank and Sharon van Haandel, Alan Nelson, Michael Coade and Cindy Sargon, Adrian Lewis, Kate McGrath and John Parker, a Fitzroy aesthete who rocked the establishment by wearing a teal velvet Gucci safari suit.
Kardashian on the way
FOUNTAIN Gate was glitzed up with muffin-top chic when foxy morons Kath and Kim held their movie premiere there, but unfortunately the shopping centre will miss out on the Kim Kardashian Kaos when the femme fatale comes to Melbourne on September 21. The shapely reality TV specimen is spruiking the QuickTrim diet product at Westfield Southland, something she tried to do last November when a broken heart over her 72-day marriage to Kris Humphries forced her to cancel the trip. Kardashian is also gracing the ''purple carpet'' the night before at a VIP party at Silk Road in Collins Street but has banned media from joining the party, instead graciously granting them access to the footpath to cover the exciting arrivals. Out of all her life experiences, being mobbed at Southland's centre court is bound to be a highlight, plus telling the folks back home she conquered Cheltenham.