ROCK-paper-scissors to determine who returns serve on deuce in the penultimate game? If those were your doubles rivals, carrying on like that, it would be real tempting to lob a variation like a steamroller over the net to wipe out both of them.
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Australian tennis brats Bernard Tomic and Nick Kyrgios teamed up in Shanghai this week, practising their golf putt in medical time outs of their Masters 1000 match. They upstaged newly-crowned China Open champions Jack Sock and Vasek Pospisil in straight sets. They played to the crowd.
They need to show respect to the game and also their rivals.
The fascinating part though, is that Tomic and Kyrgios are getting people to talk about tennis. To follow, almost soapie-like for their next outburst or antic.
But there is showing off, and there is showing off with class.
Australian up-and-comer Thanasi Kokkinakis told Fairfax Media Kyrgios’ yelling and smashing racquets is good for tennis. Kokkinakis backed his peer, saying when players showed anger on court it made matches more entertaining to watch. This came in the wake of another Kyrgios episode at the weekend, code violations for swearing and smashing a ball into the Beijing stadium roof.
That is not entertaining. That is cringe-worthy rude.
Shirt-ripping, shoe-throwing and a fiery Lleyton Hewitt-style “c’mon” – now, that is entertaining. Make like Serena and impress with complete domination. Get the crowd Mexican-waving, get them hanging on your every point and riding out the match emotionally with you.
There is a big difference between uncontrollable anger and passionate, frustrated outbursts.
Then there is plain patronising. Playing rock-paper-scissors in serious competition is an arrogant put-down.
Ego is be a good thing – if you can back it up. A little bit of a self-confident pre-game beat-up is great to rally interest. Risky shots and booming serves can be selling points.
Australian tennis legend Rod Laver says Kyrgios should expand his repertoire and actually use a whole different range of shots to win matches and build a really successful tennis career.
"Maybe it's boring for him, to be on the court not being able to show all the shots he has, but that's not going to make him a champion and he does have the ability to be a champion, and I think it'd be a shame if he doesn't allow himself to be that much better," Laver said at the Australian Open launch this week.
Kyrgios can play. His most telling win was his 2014 Wimbledon upset of Rafael Nadal. Kyrgios’ trademark half-volley between his legs has wow-factor, he has a great forehand and big serve. But its constant use does suggest that boredom and disrespect for the game. That kind of showmanship will only get Kyrgios so far. A truly skilled player knows the righting timing for such shots to make maximum impact and to keep opponents and the crowd guessing.
You want to watch him. You want to like him. But unless Kyrgios gets an attitude adjustment soon his antics will wear thin.