We are deep in the bowels of Melbourne's famous Arts Centre, under the stage of the stupendously grand State Theatre.
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It feels illicit: like kids on a school trip, sneaking into forbidden corners when the teacher's not looking.
In the world of entertainment, the fourth wall is fiercely protected from the audience.
But today we have broken it. We are taken up on to the roof, into the dressing rooms and under the stage for a rare glimpse behind the scenes of one of Australia's most famous performing arts venues.
And our tour guide is a drag queen. How very Melbourne.
"Hello darlings, I am as excited as Paula Duncan on pension day to be here showing you around," says Rhonda Butchmore – a cheeky homage to the much-loved cabaret performer Rhonda Burchmore – resplendent in a black sequinned tutu and chunky pink platform heels.
The tour is camp, comical and informative, telling some of the secret tales of the performers who have graced the stages of the arts complex in its 48-year history.
Among the stories are the time 20 horses appearing in a major production had to be transported through the front foyer past astonished audience members when the backstage industrial lift malfunctioned.
Then there was the rotund opera singer who became wedged in a chariot door mid-performance and had to be wheeled off stage in a premature intermission.
Another diva forgot to remove her radio mike during an interval, gifting the audience to the awkward sounds of her visiting the toilet.
The tour offers unprecedented access, with Arts Centre Melbourne management allowing the comedy duo free reign of the venue as part of Midsumma Festival – a cultural celebration of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex community, which kicks off on Sunday and includes 145 events over three weeks.
Rarely seen costumes and props of gay icons including Kylie Minogue, Peter Allen and Liza Minnelli are brought out during the tour, as Butchmore – aka comedian and performer Thomas Jaspers and his co-host, entertainer Kyle Minall – are handed the keys to some of the Australian arts world's most sacred spaces.
Kylie Minogue's costumes are housed in the Arts Centre's performing arts collection. Photo: Ken McKay
"There is so much queer history in these venues and this tour is a real showcase of that," says Minall. "John Truscott who designed the Arts Centre was bisexual. Half the performing arts collection is LGBTI related. They have the Priscilla bus; they've got all of Kylie's costumes, and some of Dame Edna Everage's. We are really honoured to be given access to places the public has never seen before."
Arts Centre Melbourne chief executive Claire Spencer says the venue was always designed to be a welcoming space for everyone.
"The LGBTI community is a loyal audience for us during the rest of the year and this is a wonderful opportunity to support them in a meaningful way and share some of the showbiz stories because people seem to have an enduring fascination with what goes on behind the curtain."
One of the highlights of the tour is a trip up to level 10 through a rabbit warren of heating and cooling machinery, set lifts, old lighting and props to reach the roof and stand under the famous Arts Centre spire looking out over St Kilda Road.
Kyle Minall and Rhonda Butchmore (Thomas Jaspersl) share the secrets of the stars in their tours of the Arts Centre Photo: Tim Young
Once there we hear the story of how the original spire was replaced after environmental protesters scaled it in 1989 and one, an engineer, noticed some of the connecting braces were cracked.
Further inspection revealed widespread cracking, making the structure unstable. The spire was taken down and resurrected at 161 metres tall, 46 metres higher than it had been previously.
Jaspers says as a performer he has always been fascinated with the venue, and his character, Rhonda Butchmore – a bitter but sassy old industry girl – is obsessed with musical theatre.
Originally he planned to do external walking tours of the Arts Precinct, not imagining he would be allowed internal access.
The tour, which starts on Wednesday, is in its second year, although this year the access has been extended with even more never-before-seen locations.
Jaspers say that on each tour at least one person will turn up expecting to be shown around by entertainer Rhonda Burchmore only to find her drag queen doppelganger.
Performer Rhonda Burchmore, a gay icon, is flattered by her drag queen imitator. Photo: Supplied
Burchmore is apparently flattered with the imitation and the pair are now friends, performing together last year on a cruise as part of Mardi Gras.
"I think a lot of gay men really like her because she's kind of our only Australian diva who's still here. And we remember her from Hey Hey It's Saturday and she was always in those amazing gowns in Carols by Candlelight. She's just fabulous, and camp and so lovely."
Rhonda's Fabulous Guided CouTours of Arts Centre run from Jan 20 to 31 as part of Midsumma
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