These are the sort dreamt up by desperate politicians after a supper of red wine and blue cheese in the parliamentary dining room that are thankfully shelved in the naked light of day when Beroccas and bureaucrats finally kick in. But occasionally one slips through (how's the desal plant looking these days?)

Usually the Opposition will mercilessly snipe at any policy that turns into an albatross but what if the public is fooled into liking the initiative?

Such is the case with the former state government's decision to staff every Melbourne railway station with two armed Protective Services Officers. When you take in wages, training and the bells and whistles this comes at a cost of around $80 million a year without anyone ever checking to see if it is money well spent.

It was back in 2012 that the then state government began to roll out the first of a promised 940 PSOs to staff suburban railway stations from 6pm until the last train. (Actually, they stuffed up the maths and needed more than 1100.)

This was done without even asking senior police if it made a scintilla of sense.

When Daniel Andrews was voted into power there was no way he was going to change the popular policy – indeed, the new mob became enthusiastic cheerleaders. Announcing a fresh deployment in May, Police Minister Lisa Neville said: "Every Victorian has the right to feel safe using our city's public transport network and these new Protective Services Officers will play a critical role."

Sure the PSOs in their uniforms are a reassuring sight as we wander off the platform but are they actually doing anything?

There is no doubt their visible presence make people feel good but so do puppy dogs, Ugg boots, comfortable underwear and food trucks serving ribs – but not on the taxpayer's tab.

Finally, earlier this year the Auditor-General released a report on the PSOs that states the obvious. "The PSO program was intended to reduce crime and improve public perceptions of the safety of the train system. I found that while there is evidence that PSOs have increased perceptions of the safety of Melbourne's train network at night, it is not possible, on the available data, to determine if their presence has had an impact on crime," Acting Auditor-General Dr Peter Frost found.

He said there were "no measures in place to determine whether the PSOs are having the effect the policy intended. So, while 1145 PSOs may make people feel safer, it is not clear whether safety has actually improved."

What? We were told they would do a Clint Eastwood on Railway Ruffians turning our train trips from a manspreading nightmare where glue sniffers hog the seats into a Puffing Billy type tea and scones experience.

First a few facts. In 2013-14 there were 847 reported assaults at Melbourne train stations. That is less than one per PSO (who are on a starting wage of around $60,000).

Out in the wider world we have around 74,000 crimes against the person with around 6000 general duties police available as first responders. That is 12.3 crimes per uniformed cop.

During 2014 there were around 9600 criminal offences reported on Melbourne's train system or a little over eight per PSO. In the same time there were around 470,000 reported offences in Victoria or 78 per operational general duties police officer or 36 for every police officer from Chief Commissioner to junior constable.

But wait – only half the crimes on the train system happen after 6pm when PSOs are on duty, which works out at 4.2 crimes per officer per year – or about one every three months.

PSOs issue around 20,000 infringement notices (fines) per year. They work over 200,000 shifts so that is an average of one fine every two weeks per PSO.

While senior Victoria Police are trying to free officers from working in police stations to increase the number of mobile patrols we have more than 1100 trained and armed PSOs unable to leave their railway posts. It is the modern version of the Maginot Line, only we do it on the Belgrave, Sandringham and Hurstbridge lines (stopping all stations).

Put it this way: If every station on the Frankston line is staffed with PSOs we have 60 armed law enforcement officers protecting around the same number of passengers on a late night train.

At the same time we have around 200 police in 100 mobile units out on Melbourne roads, which works out at one police officer per 26,000 citizens.

Which is leaving the PSOs frustrated that they are under used and confined to the railway precinct when there are desperate needs for their services elsewhere.

As one PSO wrote in a submission to the Police Association: "We want to help our fellow police members ... I have been on duty, standing on one side of the road and watched drug deals taking place. Why? Because nobody is sure about whether I/we have the power to arrest. Where is this nebulous line on the ground that can't be crossed?

"We have had the situation that when the boom gates on crossings get stuck down, two units have to be taken off the road to do traffic control at the boom gate while PSOs stand on the platform metres away watching."

"Last night on shift I had to let two offenders walk by because there were no vans available for transporting them."

This PSO says their limited powers mean they can't search suspected drug dealers. "We can see druggos from other areas of Melbourne, who come to my area, disappear up the road for 20 minutes and come back to catch the next train out. We know they are carrying or dealing drugs, but are powerless."

The author, a former national logistics manager whose job was to improve results with existing resources, says the system is not working.

This is nuts. Fact – most railway crime and anti-social behaviour happens on trains and not at stations.

Fact – you could provide better protection by having two sets of two PSOs on each line moving from train to train linked to a passenger text helpline. This would require a commitment of 170 PSOs to provide a seven-day a week service.

Just think what we could do with the remaining 975 PSOs. In the submission to the Police Association, mentioned above, several options are explored that would free up police.

For example police are transporting people suffering mental illnesses to hospital at a rate of one an hour and are then forced to wait with the patient until assessed by a doctor – which can take hours.

Added to this there are growing reports of violence in hospital casualty wards from ice- affected patients. So what about placing armed and trained PSOs in hospitals to guard patients brought in by police and protect hospital staff?

Police complain they are losing hundreds of shifts per year when assigned to court security, a job perfectly suited to PSOs. They could also do traffic duty, guard crime scenes, act as drivers for supervising police and staff police station front counters.

This would provide thousands of extra operational police shifts at no cost.

Certainly the Auditor-General's office agrees: "The full value of the PSO program is yet to be realised ... There is also the potential for PSOs to be used more efficiently and effectively."

And so very quietly former senior Victorian policeman and retired South Australia Commissioner Mal Hyde has completed a review of the PSO program and recommends more than 30 changes to build a more flexible and practical system.

But will there be a political will to change? In most areas of government endeavour such as education, health and transport there are long-term plans.

But in the emotion-charged area of law and order, governments react to headlines with tougher laws and promises of more police. As a result our prison numbers have tripled in the past 15 years and the crime rate climbs.

Police stations are built in swinging seats not to catch crooks but to catch voters. The government is ramping up the Police Academy to full capacity to increase police numbers, despite the police 2025 planning Blue Paper saying more staff alone is not the answer.

The police computer system is closer to a crystal set than an iPhone 7, the paperwork a nightmare and communications questionable. But there are more votes in cops on the street than nerds in a backroom. The trouble is that in the world of crime perception is reality. If you fear being attacked then your quality of life is diminished.

People are clearly worried by the threat of home invasions when the truth is that 99 per cent of the community have not been victims and don't know anyone who has been.

And that is the true purpose of PSOs. To make us feel better – a bit like a hug when you feel sad. But at $80 million a year that is a hell of a lot of hugs.