When Denise* tried to commit suicide in 2007, a psychiatrist diagnosed her with delusional disorder persecutory.
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And now she wants to raise awareness of the vastly misunderstood mental illness after she has faced years of people thinking she is dangerous and a drug addict.
“People still see me as a one-eyed monster and think I’m going to attack them in public,” Denise said.
“People run the other way in fear. People hear the word ‘delusional’ and start thinking all sorts of bad things about me.”
And she also also urged people in similar situations to get help.
“Don’t be ashamed of it. Don’t be embarassed by it. If you’ve been traumatised, talk about it. I kept it all in here,” she said, pointing to her heart.
Denise has a past history of trauma, abuse and bashings and then, in 2007, she says she was stalked and harassed by someone she did not wish to name.
She said the combination of her past and the stalking triggered the delusional disorder.
“I started to close down emotionally and physically. I wasn’t showering, I wasn’t dressing, I wasn’t socialising. Luckily my mother was a tower of strength for me.”
Eventually Denise tried to commit suicide.
She was hospitalised in the Ballarat Health Services psychiatric unit where she was diagnosed with delusional disorder persecutory.
“You have irrational thoughts that you’re going to get hurt and that someone’s following you. I thought people were trying to set me up, they were trying to physically hurt me.”
With medication and counselling, Denise has been able to get her illness under control but said she still faces abuse in public because people know she has been in care for a delusional disorder.
“People are fearful of it. They associate it with someone who’s been high on drugs, off their face on drugs.
“I still can’t go out and socialise because people think the worst of me. They just say “oh she’s delusional’.”
The 51-year-old urged people not to be afraid of delusional disorders.
“There’s no need to fear me. It’s nothing to do with drugs. It’s to do with irrational thoughts. If anything it’s the other way around. I’m usually going to walk the other way because I’m scared of being hurt.”
Denise also urged people in similar situations to get help.
“Don’t be ashamed of it. Don’t be embarassed by it. If you’ve been traumatised, talk about it. I kept it all in here,” she said, pointing to her heart.
- Denise did not want her last name used.