Seven years earlier Melissa and her husband were planning for the birth of their first child – a little girl - when they learned the unthinkable. 

She would be born with the genetic bone condition osteogenesis imperfecta and she may not live more than a few hours. The couple was told to plan palliative care. 

Their baby died within 10 hours – but the couple had another child a year later. Melissa felt like she had dealt with the grief until her youngest was born in 2013. 

“I thought I was just run down and overwhelmed. But something wasn’t right,” Melissa said.

She had a deep fear of losing her children brought on by the stress of losing her first child. 

Sometimes her husband or family members would take them out to give Melissa a rest. While they thought they were helping this only triggered Melissa’s stress. 

“It was a trigger for the trauma,” Melissa said.

Months later she was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

“I thought you had to go to war or be in the emergency services to experience PTSD – but you don’t. I want to share my story so people understand there is light at the end of the tunnel,” Melissa said.

“I felt like I was fighting for my life and I could either run or fight. I’d run from the house in my sleep sometimes – just to escape.

“I’d be breaking dishes and doing things that weren’t in my  character. They were subtle changes – but on any day I could be angry at the sun for shining.” 

Melissa’s psychological trauma was coupled with physical illness and as this increased she tried desperately to control everything around her. Her marriage almost broke apart.

Melissa realised her deep fear and reaction to the thought of losing her children was placing her in greater danger of doing so, but claims help was difficult to access because she was not a threat to her self or those around her. 

Eventually she was admitted to hospital and underwent treatment and training. The stay helped her sort out her medication – but after 10 days as in-patient the struggle was far from over.

“I’ve been struggling for five years, but I’ve spent four years getting help. There is help there and there is hope and light. 

“A big breakthrough was recognising that feeling like I had to hide my daughter (who had died) was a trigger. I was trying to hide too.”

“A lot of counselling and a lot of forgiveness has helped me in my ongoing recovery.” 

Melissa has urged the community to be open about mental illness to ensure people know it is okay to seek help.

*Not her real name. 

Living with PTSD – from the experts

Imagine a stress caused by trauma, so deep it manifests in such a way that many may not realise they are living with a mental illness.

Around 10 per cent of Australians experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – but many will never know this. They might choose to self medicate with drugs or alcohol or simply ignore the symptoms – a vital error.

Ballarat Base Hospital director of clinical services for mental health Dr Abdul Khalid says the way a person reacts to trauma is completely dependent on the individual.

He said women and more likely to experience PTSD than men with the reactions of all individuals dependent on their own vulnerabilities. 

“People think that it only happens in war veterans but PTSD can happen in the general population and twice more common in women,” Dr Khalid said.

People experiencing PTSD tend to have flashbacks and recurring memories of a traumatic event that may have happened years earlier.

The Phoenix centre for post-traumatic mental health lists re-living the traumatic event, avoiding reminders of the traumatic event, negative thoughts and feelings such as fear, anger, guilt and feeling wound-up as key indicators of PTSD.

Consultant psychiatrist Professor David Barton said patients with PTSD were often constantly anxious and on high alert and consequently had an increased heart rate.

“The big thing about the recurring memories is if something bad happens to us is that we think back on the memory (and it is placed) in time appropriately,” Professor Barton said.

All experts say early intervention is vital to ensure best recovery. To find out more information and how to seek help visit phoenixaustralia.org.