Peter Watson was just 15 when he was was raped by disgraced paedophile priest Paul David Ryan.

The abuse sent Peter on a path of self-destruction that ended with him taking his life at 24.

But it would be six years before his body was formally identified after a check of fingerprint records.

Until then Ms Watson never gave up hope Peter would be found alive.

“I never stopped searching,” she said.

Years of Peter’s life were spent in a haze of drugs and alcohol as he descended into madness and despair and was moved in and out of institutional care.   

It was not until years after the abuse that Peter told his mother the identity of his perpetrator and she tried to get psychiatric help for her son. 

Ms Watson can recall the exact moment she lost her son.

He had returned from spending the night in Ararat at the parish presbytery.

He and some friends had been invited there by Ryan to watch a movie.

The stench of alcohol was dripping off Ryan when he dropped her son home. 

''Peter was just never the same after that day,” Ms Watson said. 

“His whole persona changed. He was just this beautiful young boy, full of life and intelligence. He was so gentle and kind but he just changed.”

She remembers looking through a window and seeing Peter outside their home that afternoon. 

He had tears streaming down his cheeks as he built a bonfire in the middle of an empty paddock. He was screaming as he threw the logs into a pile. 

“I’ll never forget the look on Peter’s face, he was an absolute mess,” Ms Watson said.

“He was throwing huge logs no human being could ever physically lift and he was only a lad. I kept asking him what was wrong and he was just sobbing and yelling at me to go away.”

By the time he was 24, Peter was admitted to a Ballarat psychiatric unit.

He was released in March 1999. 

His mother never saw him alive again. 

He was found dead inside an Aspendale bayside bathing box later that year.

Since Peter’s death, Ms Watson has been reaching out to survivors of Ryan.

She knows there have been many more victims lost to suicide in an unspoken death toll. Its silence can be broken by people speaking out and seeking support, she said.

Ms Watson has guided many broken men on their journey. She is urging survivors to come forward and report their abuse to Victoria Police’s Sano Taskforce or the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual.

“I can’t change the past but I can look forward by helping anyone out there who needs support,” Ms Watson said.  Any survivors who would like to contact Ms Watson can call this journalist on 5320 1229. Ballarat Centre Against Sexual Assault: 5320 3933 or free call 24 hours 1800 806 292.  Lifeline 13 11 14.

SANO Taskforce on 1800 110 007

Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse: 1800 099 340