Love me, love my dachshund puppy. Um, again, the answer is no

For anyone who knows me – in particular those who are friends with me on Facebook – you will be aware of the running saga about daughter #2 wanting a sausage dog.

It’s been on her birthday and Christmas wish lists for years.

The banter between her and I on Facebook about the sausage dog fetish has even extended to my husband’s Facebook, resulting in our friends tagging us in every sausage dog-related post they could find, from funny memes to hilarious dachshund videos.

And the stock standard answer to anyone who thinks this relentless “taunting” is going to result in myself and my husband giving in is a big fat N-O.

It’s not that we don’t like sausage dogs … they’re cute, adorable and very much on-trend. Just ask some very famous dachshund owners, like singer Adele (and her mate Louie); actor Christian Slater (and Charlie); Bay Watch’s The Hoff (and his mate Henry). Even Audrey Hepburn, Andy Warhol, David Bowie and Clint Eastwood have been dachshund owners.

It’s just that we already have a dog, Ollie, who has been part of our family for seven years now. He’s made it clear the backyard is his. The Quinlan family is his. Even visiting canines have been greeted with a snarl, a bark and a death stare.

Then there’s the family cat (whose real name is Shadow, but she only answers to Puss). She not only dislikes dogs, she’s also a very standoffish when it comes to humans, except for me. On the whole, I’m the only one who can pat her and snuggle her.

So imagine if we introduced a sausage dog into the mix. It could be the animal world version of World War III.

It’s not that we haven’t bought our daughter a “sausage dog” over the years. We have. A sausage dog key tag. A dachshund jewellery holder. Even an adorable sausage dog Christmas decoration, which has again made an appearance on the Quinlan family tree this year.

There may even be another sausage dog “surprise” under this year’s Christmas tree. It may or may not be the real thing. She’ll just have to wait and see.