Donna Bowman is angry. Angry that a decision her husband Tony made without consulting her has irrevocably changed her life, and that of their four children, grandchildren, family and friends.
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The decision Tony made was to end his life on their Elaine property in March.
Like many people who suicide, he left in his wake a tide of anger, emotion, and unanswered questions.
But through the grief of the past eight months Mrs Bowman, 54, has found a steely determination she did not know she had, and a passion to help others who, like her, have been left behind by suicide.
Those words “left behind” have taken on a new meaning as part of the title of her cause Those Left Behind, which she hopes will become a registered charity next year.
As part of Those Left Behind she will embark on a 3000km walk around Victoria next year to raise awareness of suicide and funds for the Victoria Police Mental Health Unit which supported her after Tony’s death.
“I have had the privilege of the help of one psychologist particularly throughout the whole ordeal, and even with her assistance I tried to take my own life. I am okay now but have this dream to make my devastating situation assist others rather than it destroying more lives,” she said.
It was during her hospital admission that she decided she would not let Tony’s death destroy her life.
“I thought I can’t waste away to nothing, this can’t keep happening. It makes me angry that he did it, that he changed my life without asking me … but I decided to do something to help other people in my situation.”
Tony had retired from a 24-year career with Victoria Police about five years before his death.
“He showed no symptoms of depression or PTSD to any family members, friends or doctors before his death,” Mrs Bowman said.
“I had known him 28 years, we’d been married nine years and he was the same person he’d always been. Nothing had changed. We were playing table tennis that night and the next morning he was dead.
I can’t waste away to nothing, this can’t keep happening. It makes me angry that he did it, that he changed my life without asking me … but I decided to do something to help other people in my situation.
- Donna Bowman
On the night of his death, Tony rang his wife at a friend’s house and asked her to come home. When she arrived 10 minutes later he was gone, but she was not concerned.
“At no point did I think he had hurt himself at all, it didn’t enter my mind. I thought he’d gone for a walk in the state forest which was not unusual, he would go off for a wander especially if he’d had a drink.
“I looked for him on and off but went to bed thinking I’d wake up and he’d be there in bed.”
But he wasn’t and when she saw their dog lying in an unusual part of the garden the next morning she went to investigate and found Tony’s body.
“I was pretty bad for the first few months after. I sold the house because I found myself laying on the back deck staring out there,” she said.
At the end of the day, why am I doing this? It’s to keep me alive, to give me a goal and something to achieve. Initially it was set up really to save a life, mine, because I was falling in a hole but it’s going to end up so much more than that.
- Donna Bowman
Now living in Geelong, Mrs Bowman hopes to start the at Geelong Police Station with the first stop at Ballan to visit Acting Sgt Nick Wallace, the police officer who attended the house that day and who has supported her since.
Throughout her 3000km walk, which she estimates will take about two months, she hopes to walk alongside police from local stations and hold community forums and events to raise awareness of suicide and, hopefully, $1 million for the police psychology unit.
She also hopes to connect with people in a similar situation to her and those with mental health issues.
“If I can save one person it’s almost like Tony’s death has been for a reason, that him dying has saved someone else and that will help me.”
Preparation for the walk has changed her life and given her a new goal. Now 30kg lighter she is determined to get through the journey one step at a time, much like how she has survived the past eight months.
“At the end of the day, why am I doing this? It’s to keep me alive, to give me a goal and something to achieve. Initially it was set up really to save a life, mine, because I was falling in a hole but it’s going to end up so much more than that.”
Mr Bowman’s death is one of many suicides among current and former emergency services workers.
According to Beyond Blue’s landmark Answering the Call research, which surveyed more than 21,000 current and former police, fire, ambulance and SES personnel, employees and volunteers are three times more likely to have a suicide plan, and twice as likely to have suicidal thoughts than the general population.
Respondents answered questions about their wellbeing and resilience, anxiety conditions, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and suicidal thoughts.
One in three employees reported experiencing high or very high psychological distress compared to one in eight Australian adults, and more than one in 2.5 employees and one in three volunteers had been diagnosed with a mental health condition, compared to one in five Australian adults.
Employees who had worked more than 10 years in police and emergency services were almost twice as likely to experience psychological distress and six times more likely to have symptoms of PTSD compared to those with less than two years’ service.
“It is now everyone’s responsibility – governments, agencies, police and emergency services personnel and their families, unions and peak bodies, services and other stakeholders – to come together to convert this evidence into further action and lasting change,” said Beyond Blue chief executive Georgie Harman.
SEEKING SUPPORT
Lifeline: 13 11 14 or lifeline.org.au
Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636 or beyondblue.org.au
Kids Help Line: 1800551800
Suicide Callback Service: 1300 659 467
MensLine: 1300 789 978 or mensline.org.au
Ballarat and District Suicide Prevention Network: suicidepreventionBallarat.com.au