Peter Fox has been through a lot.
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The former detective investigated brutal murders and police corruption across the Hunter Valley, but it was his measured, empathetic approach to helping survivors of clerical sexual abuse in the Maitland-Newcastle Diocese that he's well-known for.
He stood up for survivors and doggedly chased the church for answers about how much it knew about the hundreds of child rapes that were covered up over the years, and it ended his career, with inquiries and ostracism pushing him to breaking point.
His book, Walking Towards Thunder, is named after an Irish proverb about pushing through to the daylight.
It's a riveting read - while many books are described as hard to put down, Mr Fox is able to create a genuine sense of frustration and exasperation as he describes his push for answers, and you cannot help but keep going.
The documents mysteriously missing, key investigators shuffled, and the eventual fortnight of brutal cross-examination in the New South Wales Cunneen Inquiry is all detailed.
It's a look at how it was on the ground as priests began to be convicted of raping children and put away in the Hunter Valley region - and there's more than a few parallels to Ballarat's dark history.
In person, the now-retired Mr Fox is a calm and friendly presence - a virtue for an investigator dedicated to helping people relieve the worst moments in their lives.
He was in Ballarat to launch Walking Towards Thunder, and meet with Victorian survivors, supporters, and old friends, with his wife Penny.
"Kevin Carson, the local detective, geez, isn't he highly thought of here?" he said, smiling broadly.
"We've met Kevin a few times through this journey, and he came to my Melbourne book launch - after everyone had left, Kevin and his wife were still there.
"He wanted me to try all these certain whiskies, and like a couple of old coppers we sat there 'til some ridiculous hour at a pub in Melbourne swapping stories."
The networks he's formed across Australia - with police, with the parents of Emma and Katie Foster, with the men in Ballarat who had their childhoods stolen, with the families nearly destroyed by rapist priests in towns around Newcastle - have led to close friendships and extra support.
It also reminds him of the responsibility he had as a police officer - he said he never thought he would be a whistleblower.
"It's something that, whether it's child abuse, military killing of civilians in Afghanistan, ASIO bugging Third World countries, you stand back and you go, is this right? Is this morally right, ethical?" he said.
"People still come up and I still get the question, looking back, would you have still done it all?
"We're going down to stay with Chrissie Foster for two days after we leave here today and only recently, she's done her audiobook, we've been playing it in the car, and we're thinking, we think we've been through a bit?
"There's so many families, Chrissie's story is multiplied by hundreds or thousands, and you're thinking, wow, how can I lament what we've endured and thinking I didn't do anything, I looked away?
"They've suffered so much more."
The work hasn't finished yet either.
Mr Fox said he'd been in contact with two women earlier this year who were sexually abused as children by a priest he details in his book.
"(They had) never spoken to anyone before they contacted me," he said.
"One had seen a picture on the internet I'd posted seven years ago on Twitter of (paedophile Father Denis) McAlinden's headstone, and she got on Twitter and contacted me through that - she wanted to know where the headstone was because she was about to go and see her parents in Britain and fly in via Perth, she knew she was buried over there.
"She thought I was a survivor to have posted it and I explained, I didn't expect it but it was lovely, she now lives up in the New England area in NSW and she actually drove down to Maitland and came to my book launch
"She's contacted me since, she's read the story, and she said 'I didn't realise I was one of so many'.
"As a kid, you sort of think, they've got this tunnel that it's 'just me'.
"Our politicians failed them, police forces not just in NSW but all over the country as well - how could they not pick up on this? The scale was so huge."
Despite everything he's gone through, Mr Fox said it was important to recognise the hard work good detectives and investigation teams had done in bringing powerful priests to justice.
It's not a calling suited for everyone in a uniform, he warned.
"I think police forces can be a lot more selective and discerning about who works in particular areas, and you do need special people that work with rape victims, and particularly child rape victims, they are difficult areas to delve into," he said.
"I know now, in NSW, they get a lot more counselling, they have to see psychiatrists every three months when they work in that field, and I think that's the right way to go.
"I know I suffered a lot, but I still wanted to keep working there because let's face it, someone's got to do it and you can't turn away, I don't want to damage any police officers mentally, but who investigates these crimes?
"You need to look after those police and give them the right care because they're doing a tough job, and if you want them to continue doing that tough job, you've got to look after them in the right way."
On the subject of powerful priests, Mr Fox had several opinions about recent cases, but chose his words carefully.
Several times in the book he expresses his frustration that he is legally unable to comment, but generally, there needs to be more transparency and action.
"Those higher up in the church, they blame it on clericalism and so many things but even over in the Vatican, the Pope has been paralysed, there's all these talkfests but nothing happening," he said.
"I've encountered some priests that I've mentioned in the story, Father Jim Fletcher, and Father David O'Hearn, who has now faced court and been convicted before multiple juries and found not guilty before one, but they still have a huge following of devout parishioners still telling people how innocent he is, even though these victims come from different parishes at different times and did not know each other.
"They still believe him."
Another powerful member of the Catholic Church, recently convicted of sexually abusing children and jailed, once ruined Mr and Mrs Fox's first European holiday.
"Penny and I sat and watched (Cardinal George Pell) give evidence over in Rome, but we were there by accident," he said with a grin.
"We came down to Melbourne to watch him give evidence, then of course his letter arrived saying he couldn't fly out.
"Penny and I went to a fundraiser for a group called SAMSN in Sydney, and long story short I ended up bidding on a holiday, that I didn't expect to win - a week at a villa in Tuscany (Ms Fox interrupts to joke it was quite an expensive holiday).
"It went to a great cause, but while we were there, we thought, well, we've never been to Europe before, let's stay in Rome for a few days.
"While we're there, we get a message from Chrissie and Anthony (Foster) saying Pell's going to give evidence in Rome.
"I asked where, I looked it up on Google, and it was a block and a half from our hotel - what are the chances?
"Chrissie and Anthony came over, and Pat Feenan (the mother of an abuse survivor from the Hunter Valley), we took over as our guest, and then all the fellas arrived from Ballarat.
"To actually be sitting there - what are the chances of this being here?"
Pell has maintained his innocence and is appealing the conviction.
The strange coincidences continued on their holiday, he said.
"We jumped on a river cruise immediately after - in short, here we are on the other side of the world, what are the chances of finding the Catholic Church had a priest on board from the Hunter Valley who had been stood down after allegations of child sexual abuse at Muswellbrook, and he's on the ship doing Good Friday and Easter Sunday Mass," Mr Fox said.
"We were thinking, hey, we went to Europe to get away from all this, what am I, a magnet?"
The hundreds of priests accused of raping children across Australia and thousands of vulnerable victims, who are still coming forward, showed constant vigilance was still required.
"Police, government, members of a church, we've always got to question, we can never stop questioning," he said.
"Blind faith is very dangerous, and once we shut our minds, we just can't possibly see what's happening."
Mr Fox's time as a police officer ended after 36 years "at the coalface" - there's a passage that describes the great care he took to take a survivor's statement and build his trust that is harrowing to read - and despite the attempts to discredit his name and attack his family, he said he's proud of shining a light.
"I look back, and think, I've done all the hard stuff, the hard yards, I believe I did good and made some positive changes," he said.
"At the end of a policing career of nearly 40 years, you've got to say, did I make a difference? I hope so, I think I did."
Walking Towards Thunder is available now.
- Affected by this story? There is help available. You can phone CASA, Sebastopol on 5320 3933, or free-call the crisis care line 24 hours on 1800 806 292. Or phone Lifeline on 13 11 14, the Blue Knot Foundation on 1300 657 380, or Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277.
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