Phil Nagle is an unstoppable force. A vocal advocate for those who, like him, were sexually abused by Catholic clergy, Mr Nagle is admired for his resilience and sheer bloody mindedness - and feared by those he seeks to hold accountable.
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He was one of the earliest to speak out about the abuse he suffered as a nine-year-old at St Alipius Primary School in 1974. In 1996, he made a statement against the disgraced Christian Brother Stephen Farrell, which led to Farrell's conviction for sexual assault. Mr Nagle does not back down in the face of intimidating institutions. He has taken them on and won. The desire for justice burns so strongly that it won't let him stay quiet.
So when this fiercely articulate spokesperson of the survivor community had his voice taken away by an obscure bit of legislation, it unsurprisingly didn't sit well with him.
Hearing they wanted to take our identity off me, which they did do for a period of time, just made my blood boil
It came into force this year, largely under the radar, preventing survivors of sexual abuse from using their own name. In August, the injustice flared into life under the #letusspeak campaign.
On the strength of that movement - which was supported pro bono by Marque Lawyers - this week Mr Nagle became the first survivor of institutional Catholic abuse to regain the right to use his own identity. Three other court orders have been granted to survivors of abuse not relating to the Church.
"Hearing they wanted to take our identity off me, which they did do for a period of time, just made my blood boil," he told The Courier on Friday.
For him, it is crucial people are able to relate to those who wish to speak about their abuse.
"People have got to be able to see that is a real person over there, 'we can see his face, we can see by the way he's talking that he's genuine', so they'll listen to the message," he said.
While he knows that it was a well meaning law with unintended consequences, he remains angry that it managed to get through in the first place.
"The thing that gets me about it, they said, 'we're consulting with survivors'. Well, if you're consulting with survivors, this would never have happened."
The state government has recognised its legal flaws, with the Victorian Attorney general Jill Hennessy saying they would adjust the legislation. Mr Nagle, however, was not prepared to wait for that to happen.
My big campaign now is to make sure the other survivors get the help and care, support and compassion they need
While he would still speak to the press - he adopted the pseudonym 'Moth' for The Courier - he wanted to overturn that legal barriers as soon as he could.
For him, speaking out has been a profound force for good personally and on a wider level.
"I think the survivors that dealt with what happened with them early - I started talking to my parents about it in the 1980s not long after it happened - tend to get through it better," he said.
However, perhaps most crucial to him is the impact his speaking out has had more broadly. You sense a steeliness in Mr Nagle but he says in the early days it was not easy.
"Everyone was nervous," he says of the days he made a statement to the police. "You're going up against the Catholic Church. It was extremely difficult. The Catholic Church was held in high esteem.
"A priest or a Christian brother - they [were] the highest people in the whole world.
"People just wouldn't believe what the Catholic clergy had been doing, but they've been doing it for 2000 years, they've been doing it forever."
He praises the police for guiding him through the legal process, which allowed him to be one of the earlier cases to secure a conviction.
As well as getting abusers jailed, he believes his outspokenness played a part in stopping the abuse from happening in the first place.
"I am ....proud of myself in that, through me starting to do what I did - even right from the initial steps - would have started to stop some of the abuse," he said.
"Some of the priests - would have been like 'Phil Nagle is out there talking about some of this, I've got to be careful'."
Despite the outward steel, he is candid about the impact the abuse had on him, describing himself as a "damaged unit like everyone else".
He left school without qualifications. He has had a successful career as an agronomist but wonders how much more he might have achieved if he had not been abused. Top of the class in Grade Four, he saw his grades slide beyond recognition in the years after he was abused.
Sent to board at St Patrick's College - also run at the time by Christian Brothers - he remained fiercely suspicious of adult males. Figuring that he just needed to be able to get away, he became a champion runner. "I figured the best mechanism was you needed to be able to run," he said. "I worked out that a quarter mile, half mile was what you needed to get away from them."
Now he has his voice back - "I exist", he texted after the court decision came through - he has no intention of running or backing off any time soon. Our conversation took place after he had spoken to the ABC, and just ahead of interviews with Channel 9 and WIN. Mr Nagle wasted no time in being heard again.
He recognises that things have changed. "From a clergy point of view, I reckon we've pretty much stamped [abuse] out in Ballarat," he said. He also describes the crimes as the work of "a few rotten eggs", and acknowledges the Catholic Church does important work - although he wonders if its good people did enough to keep the bad ones accountable.
I'll be vocal until there's justice. If there's no justice, I'll rest the day I die
- Phil Nagle
There is still work to be done in righting past wrongs, he says.
"You can't change history. I am a big believer in that. What happened happened... my big campaign now is to make sure the other survivors get the help and care, support and compassion they need.
"I'll be vocal until there's justice. I don't see justice yet. If there's no justice, I'll rest the day I die."
Affected by this story? There is help available.
You can phone CASA, Sebastopol on 5320 3933, or free-call the crisis care line 24 hours on 1800 806 292. Or phone Lifeline on 13 11 14, the Blue Knot Foundation on 1300 657 380 between 9am and 5pm, or Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277.
Other support numbers include:
- Beyond Blue 1300 224 636 or beyondblue.org.au
- Suicide Callback Service: 1300 659 467
- Mensline: 1300 789 978 or mensline.org.au
- Survivors of Suicide: 0449 913 535
- Relationships Australia: 1800 050 321
- Ballarat Community Health: 5338 4500
- headspace Ballarat (for 12-25s and parent support): 5304 4777
- QLife: 1800 184 527 (Support for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and intersex people)
- Soldier On: 1300 620 380
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