JO-ANNE Wade says the greater challenge she faces with her mother Shirley is in balancing their mother-daughter relationship.
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A bright red Dutch cargo bike is helping them find their way forward with Shirley sitting in a cushioned seat up front and Jo-anne pedalling behind.
Shirley was diagnosed with vascular dementia five years ago. She has moved in to live with Jo-anne the past five years and together they navigate day-to-day living on a path Jo-anne said neither could have foreseen or prepared to face.
Jo-anne said part of the challenge was the generational gap. They were at different stages in their lives with different interests, like movies and music, and different friends.
There was also the mother-daughter relationship mixed up in care giver and care receiver roles. Jo-anne said they cherish the simple moments, like a giggle, and one of her favourite moments in the day was when she put her "carer's hat on" to get Shirley to do something she was not keen to do.
She reminds me, 'I am your mother you know', basically telling me I cannot tell her what to do...(that) reminds me that mum is still there.
- Jo-anne Wade
"She reminds me, 'I am your mother you know', basically telling me I cannot tell her what to do because she is my mum." Jo-anne said. "This puts a smile on my face every time and reminds me that mum is still there."
Out on the bike is different. Its is an activity they enjoy together as a common interest.
They secured the bike early this year, before lockdowns, after Shirley had been losing exercise motivation and become disinterested in outdoor activity.
The duo often rides about their Scotsburn property - the bike has battery-assisted power for hills - about Buninyong and they love venturing out about Lake Wendouree.
"Mum's not as mobile to be able to walk a lot anymore," Jo-anne said. "It's great to still enjoy the feeling of being on a bike and the fresh air."
The bike was delivered via a Mercy Health aged care package, which includes home care.
Mercy Health reports home care is growing in demand with families vying to do the same as Jo-anne and Shirley and live together at home. Support can be in assistance to set up homes to be as safe and appropriate as possible, but also in respite.
Jo-anne promised her mum years ago she would never allow her to go into residential care, something Shirley had long feared.
Together they have created a strong support network from Mercy House, Dementia Alliance Ballarat's carers' group, Ballarat Health Services' Eyres House and family and close friends.
This allows Jo-anne, a business consultant, the flexibility to do what she needs to do and to keep working.
"Instead of carer, I prefer to say I help Mum care for herself. I fill in the blanks, and these can change daily," Jo-anne said. "We live otherwise fairly normal lives. Mum comes to work with me, I own my business, and she has little jobs to do to help."
Jo-anne said she had come to realise her mum tended to prefer to be a spectator now, rather than the active participant she once was - and that was okay.
In trying to navigate support services , Jo-anne said her greatest insight came from her three-year-old granddaughter Isla, who often stayed over.
"To watch the connection they have, to listen to their chatter and watch them play is authentic and truly beautiful," Jo-anne said.
"Isla interacts with mum purely as her Nanny. To her, mum is not Nanny who has dementia, she is just Nanny.
"Witnessing this, and how mum interacts with Isla in return, had a profound impact on how I help mum care for herself."
Jo-anne said there would undoubtedly always be "cloudy and sunny days" and, while it had been a bit tricky at the start, they continue to support each other.
Shirley said she enjoyed the bike rides and quipped Jo-anne was "all right" as her driver.