Now forget the Sudan and Pakistan and Iran and Afghanistan, and think instead about Australia, a country where every third woman (yes, one in three) will be the victim of violence at the hands of a man. This crime is huge. And it's our crime.

This year has been entirely typical of our problem. Remember Gary Bell, who murdered his three children and then killed himself in Bega in the ultimate act of control over his wife. And the talented Nicky Yunupingu who committed suicide in the Northern Territory after he apparently stabbed his girlfriend in a drunken dispute. And young Pumpkin's father, reportedly an intelligent and charismatic man, who allegedly murdered his wife in New Zealand and then abandoned his daughter at a Melbourne train station to deny his violent crime?

These are just the public cases. But there are so many others. The statistics suggest one in three of the women I know and love - my wife, sisters, daughters, mum, friends - may be victims of violence by a man. That scares me. It appalls me. And it makes me wonder how we can be getting it so wrong.

Look at the data and it's not so terribly surprising. As the recent White Ribbon Foundation report Assault On Our Future shows, half a million kids in this country are growing up with household violence. For them, violence is a normal and legitimate way of resolving disputes. No wonder many more Australian girls suffer physical and sexual violence than Australian boys. Or that so many Aussie boys have entirely distorted attitudes about acceptable behaviour towards women.

Recent studies suggest one in seven boys (aged 12-20) believe it's all right to force a girl to have sex if she was flirting. One in three boys believes most violence against women occurs because the woman provoked it. One in three year 10 girls who've had sex, have had unwanted (i.e. coerced) sex. These girls are our daughters. These boys are our sons.

The research demonstrates people who hold violence-supporting attitudes are more likely to use violence, and those who accept such attitudes are far more likely to be the victims of violence. So, if we value our kids and want the best for them as adults, we must teach them that sexist and demeaning attitudes, sexual coercion and violence in any form are wrong, and can never be tolerated. If we don't, our daughters will be victims of violence.

I would hate those daughters to be my daughters. And I would hate the men who hurt them to be my sons. That's why, as a man, violence against women is my problem. And that's why I want to be a part of the solution.

Of course, if you want to solve a problem, you have to know what causes it. And that's a big question: what causes violence against women? For most of us working in this area, the answer is pretty simple: it's all about power. Men don't rape women because they need sex. Men don't beat up their wives because they can't stomach a cold dinner. Men don't belittle their girlfriends because of the intolerable inconvenience of waiting for the bathroom. No, some men rape and beat and belittle women because they feel superior to women and they don't want the women to forget it.

It's only by changing attitudes of power and privilege that we can begin to change the violent behaviours that flow from them.

I've laughed at sexist jokes, even when I felt uncomfortable about them. I've turned a blind eye to friends who've disparaged their partners, and fretted guiltily about it later. I've done plenty of things that were hurtful to women I love, and excused them on the basis that that's just the ebb and flow of the mating game.

But being involved in the White Ribbon Campaign has helped me see that every time I do that, I'm supporting the belief that men have rights and privileges greater than those of women. And that whenever I don't challenge those attitudes, violent men are allowed to go on believing it, and behaving the way they behave.

Changing my attitudes doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to find sex funny, or that I can't acknowledge that differences exist between the genders, or that I suddenly become asexual.

It means I need to think about what I say and do and question whether I contribute subtly to the power problem; whether I'm engaging in good-hearted banter, or whether my words are denigrating or subjugating women.

It also means I, as a father, footy coach, or friend, or as a workmate or a mentor or whatever, must always remember that I am a role model to boys and to other men around me. And that I must actively teach my sons, and myself, how to respect women.

If I can do that, if we can all do that, then we're well on the way to eliminating the violence that shadows the women we love.

Violence against women is, as the Prime Minister noted recently, "the great silent crime of our time".

It's a crime that outstrips obesity, smoking, drink driving and breast cancer as the leading contributor to death, disability and illness for Australian women in the prime of their life.

It shatters the lives of its victims and their children and their families and their friends, and it tears communities apart. And wearing a white ribbon can help end the crime.

The white ribbon is not a badge of purity. We all make mistakes and we all have a lot to learn. But the white ribbon is a pledge to start learning. Wearing it says that, from now on, I will not commit, condone or stay silent about violence against women. I will do what I can to end it. And I will seek to make true the self-evident belief that all men, and all women, are created equal.

Andrew O'Keefe, a Channel Seven presenter, is the chairman of the White Ribbon Foundation (Australia), a member of the National Council for Reducing Violence Against Women and their Children.