Wi-Fi, computers, laptops, pads, cell phones, shop door openers, airport and marine radars, TV and radio stations, smart meters, remote locking and bluetooth in cars, radio altimeters on passing aircraft, "dirty" electrical power, microwave ovens, air conditioners, refrigerators, medical x-rays, and so much more besides all cringe before Alanna charging on horseback like Don Quixote, with her electrical "wand" and nostrums of crushed rocks, coming to shut them down.

Alanna has previously warned us of the "epidemic of brain cancers" caused by modern electrical devices, so we now know that ARPANSA, NHMRC, AMA, and the Victorian Cancer Council with their statistics showing a fall in brain cancers, are all only mindless tools of the leftist conspiracy trying to bring down capitalism.

It's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it, and all for a trifling "consultancy" fee of only $75 per hour.

Just imagine how wonderful her electricity-free world would be, driving home from your gloomy sweltering or freezing workplace in your hand-cranked diesel car with carbide lights and manual windscreen wipers, along dark roads free of pesky traffic lights, to a candle-lit dinner cooked over the open fire. No more unhealthy wind turbines, ugly solar panels or smoke-belching power stations, and no more carbon 'crap'.

Rise up sheeple. Just think, finally free of eye-watering power and phone bills. Heaven. I can hardly wait.