The first is his beloved daughter, Pippa Conroy, 8, who spends a day a week during the summer holidays at his workplace, Poison City Records on Brunswick Street.

Books, colouring pens and her social nature make it a pleasure.

The second is the trundling Route 11 tram, which connects Aaron's workplace, the family home in Reservoir (shared with Pippa's mum, Ada Conroy, a social worker) and their daughter's school in Thornbury.

This sweet set-up is only possible because his employer makes a point of being family-friendly. Aaron works three or four days a week and can tweak shifts to accommodate school drop-offs and pick-ups, or unexpected appointments.

"My boss is really flexible - as long as things get done, they're not too concerned," he says.

Men are warmer, more consistent and less irritable fathers when they have good conditions at work, according to a new study of 10,000 Australian families from La Trobe University.

These conditions include autonomy, job security and some flexibility in working hours, says Dr Amanda Cooklin, a research fellow at the Judith Lumley Centre at La Trobe

But in Australia, the working hours for fathers are long - 20 per cent of fathers work more than 55 hours. And these hours often increase after a baby is born to compensate for a family's reduced income.

Workplaces have been slow to provide meaningful flexibility for men, with policies focused on parental leave around childbirth, Dr Cooklin says.

"Everyone is stuck in this system; fathers are stuck on long hours and mothers are stuck in part-time work, which is associated with reduced career trajectories and less lifetime earnings," she says.

"The conversation is often focused on mothers, and their capacity to juggle or not juggle. We need to look at fathers, and a whole-of-family approach."

When work and family responsibilities come into conflict, dads become more "frazzled"; less affectionate, less consistent and more irritable with their children, researchers found. And this could have a detrimental effect on their mental health, and their kids.

Useful workplace skills - like assertiveness and giving directives – might not be appropriate for children, who need more dialogue, say La Trobe researchers in an article published today in the Child and Family Blog.

And (before you ask), the same dynamics apply to mothers, it's just that this study focused on dads.

Parallel research on mothers found identical effects for women: anything over 20 hours of (paid) work were associated with work-family conflict. For men it was 50 hours.

Ben Smart, his daughter Saoirse Walsh, (now 6) and partner Tara Walsh. Photo: supplied

Coburg resident Ben Smart used to commute an hour or two each way to his former job in Mulgrave, snatching only brief moments with his daughter Saoirse during the week.

So, with some trepidation, he took a job working from home with human resources software company Cornerstone OnDemand. His partner Tara Walsh works full-time in the city.

Ben's now able to do the school run and make up the work time in the evening. He can also be at school concerts, book reading and other day-to-day activities that he previously missed out on.

"Now I cook her dinner at night, read her stories when she gets home. I'm getting to be more a part of her life, that's the big change for me and it has made us closer," he says.

The toil of parenting changes over time, researchers found. Young babies bring disrupted routines and fatigue, while parents face the demands of school engagement for primary-age kids.

But it's not all bad, far from it. Work also enriches parenting by giving parents a sense of competence and optimism, the study finds.

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