OPINION: Hi from Sleepless in Ballarat

Apologies in advance to anyone who may lose sleep after reading this column …

I’m not usually a green-eyed monster. I don’t normally have a jealous bone in my body.

But there is one type of person I am seriously envious of.

They may or may not have a lot of money. They may or may not be happy. They may or may not be famous and have a gazillion followers on Instagram.

People I am most jealous of are those who can fall asleep in an instant.

You know the ones … they’re asleep before their head hits the pillow … they’re punching out zeds before they even close their eyes … nothing wakes them in the middle of the night – not even their bladders or a bomb falling on the house.

I have never been able to fall asleep straight away, that’s unless a copious amount of alcohol has been involved.

I’ve always been that person who tosses and turns, fidgets and fusses, sighs with annoyance at the fact my husband is one of “those” people I’m jealous of.

It’s not that I’m worried about things in my life. It’s just that my brain takes on a life of its own once by head hits the Tontine.

My mind wanders … Did I turn the iron off? What will we have for tea on February 3, 2022? Why can’t I remember who killed JR Ewing in the March 1980 episode of Dallas? What day will my birthday fall on in 2025? Do penguins have knees?

All I can say is thank goodness for Google … well for at least the last three questions anyway.

My midnight mind wandering got me wondering what other people wonder about when they can’t sleep.

So I Googled that as well.

Here’s just a small sample of what other people think about when they can’t sleep:

  • How many hours of sleep would I get if I fell asleep right now?
  • If there was an earthquake on Mars, would they call it a marsquake?
  • Can crop circles be square?
  • If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what colour would be it?