Meet the woman helping people to navigate the grief of losing a furry friend

Helping people deal with these challenging emotions is the passion of Ballarat mum Nikki Catley. Having worked in vet clinics for more than 25 years, Ms Catley recognised a lack of support for 'pet parents' and wanted to do more to help.

"I saw there was a real gap in being able to offer that depth of compassion and support for the clients. It is circumstantial, because vets are very conscious that their next client is in the waiting room.

"They would have to send off a devastated person and hope they were okay, but with nothing else to offer."

After having her second child, Ms Catley decided to return to study and became a qualified counsellor to help people experiencing what she described as a "grossly under recognised grief".

Initially she continued working at the clinic, providing services to existing clients in Ballarat, but three years ago she took the step to create her own company to make her service available to the wider community.

Through Paws For Talk she has counselled people about the loss of dogs, cats, rabbits, horses and rats.

Ms Catley said losing a much-loved pet could trigger a wide range of emotions that could often be difficult for people to grapple with, but they did not need to navigate the loss alone.

Whether the grief is due to losing the strong bond and love of a pet, or because they represented the last link to a loved one, Ms Catley said losing them could be incredibly lonely, distressing and devastating.

"Often our fur loved ones are the best listeners because they never judge or answer back.

"They never betray us by giving away our secrets and they generally ask for very little back in return.

"So when we have to consider saying goodbye to them or we have to adjust our lives to exclude this love then it is devastating."

While some may dismiss the distress caused by losing a pet, Ms Catley said the grief was valid.

"You definitely wouldn't tell someone who has just lost their husband not to cry or be sad," she said. "So it shouldn't be different when losing an animal," she explained.

"Unless you've had that grand love with a fur loved one and then that huge loss, unless you've experienced it yourself, I don't think that you can really understand the depths of it."

Some vets in Ballarat pay for clients to utilise her service post loss, but she is increasingly being contacted by people seeking out a support service too.

"No one should feel they have to navigate this loss alone, but often don't want to worry their friends and families so l want people to know support is available," Ms Catley said.

In the last 18 months, she has begun working more in the area of quality of life counselling - explaining end of life discussions with clients and allowing them to work through a scale process.

After being in the company of a beautiful animal for years, being responsible for their needs and loving them dearly, a dire diagnosis or sudden death can be a shock, Ms Catley explained.

While a funeral is hosted to celebrate a person's life and bring about closure, it rarely happens for pets.

"You're just left with a big void," Ms Catley explained.

In this situation, she hosts a session with the person to work through their grief and gives them tools to manage and work towards healing.

This frequently involves encouraging the person to think of a way to celebrate their pet's life.

It could be something symbolic or writing a letter to the pet, such as an apology letter if they feel they let them down by not having the finances to support their condition.

Ms Catley said vet consultations were focused on the health of the animal, often meaning there was not time for the emotional health of their humans to be considered.

"The best part about the quality of life sessions is freeing vets from the guilt of not being able to help enough and having them refer them to me and I can give them time to cry, scream or swear as much as they like with me and then we can work out what they do next."

A quality of life counselling session allows people to have some kind of control over what otherwise feels like a helpless situation.

As a grief facilitator, Ms Catley discusses how sick the animal is by utilising the quality of life scale. This determines the next steps.

Ms Catley then works with her clients to manage the stages of grief - shock, denial, guilt, anger, readjustment and acceptance.

"By the time euthanasia is upon them, they've already started their grieving process," Ms Catley said.

While saying goodbye is still saddening, the person or family has already begun to work through the stages of grief.

"...The shock of the diagnosis and realisation of what's coming - whether in days, weeks or months - and then they get to that potential stage of guilt.

"Guilt is a massive player in grief and it's extremely powerful. So just because you feel guilty, it doesn't mean you're guilty of anything but it's such a big player in grief.

"Then they might move through the stages of anger and readjustment."

Ms Catley said the way each individual experiences grief was different.

Society is beginning to realise the important roles that pets can play in our lives, especially since the COVID pandemic - which has escalated anxiety and lockdowns have meant people have spent more time at home with their pets.

While she believes greater recognition is happening slowly, she said the embarrassment so many people still felt about being upset about the loss of a pet was far too common.

"Our animals are our therapy in so many ways and yet we don't feel like we are entitled to grieve for them when they die and that is wrong."

An animal lover with a labrador puppy named Charlie and cat named Phil, Ms Catley distinctly remembers the physical symptoms of grief she experienced when she lost her beloved dog, Marty.

It is the reason Ms Catley strives to do everything she can to help.

"Being able to acknowledge that grief is real, that they feel justified in their grief or sadness and that they are not alone is so important."

To learn more, visit the Paws for Talk Facebook page or contact Nikki by calling 0418 534 058