A Ballarat father-of-five is planning his own funeral at the age of 33 after repeated exposure to deadly silica dust in his work as a stonemason.
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Nathan Donnelly of Snake Valley wakes up every morning worrying it could be his last after 15 years plying his trade across Melbourne, Werribee and Ballarat left him with incurable chronic silicosis and bilateral emphysema, and the knowledge he might not have long left to live.
Up until February last year, Mr Donnelly worked primarily with engineered stone products, making kitchen benches.
He has the skills to work with natural stone like granite and marble, but found most clients preferred the manmade product to "get the look without the cost".
Crucially, Mr Donnelly said none of his past employers provided adequate protective gear on job sites.
For years, he was given nothing but a paper face mask, and told if he wanted something better, he'd have to buy it himself.
Mr Donnelly did just that, but it was of little benefit when, every day, he was coming home from work "caked" in harmful crystalline silica dust, from head to toe.
It was in his hair, through his clothing, even in his socks.
It transferred to his car seats, and to his children's clothing as it went through the wash.
All the while, Mr Donnelly and his co-workers were unaware of the health risks: if inhaled, silica dust can settle in the lungs and cause internal scarring that prevents the lungs from working.
He remembers talk at the depots that people were getting sick, starting about five years ago, as well as some companies introducing stricter protective measures.
But engineered stone products remained perfectly legal, and in high demand in new housing projects.
The assumption was "it must be safe".
Life turned upside down for Mr Donnelly when his Ballarat employer sent staff for silicosis testing.
When the results came through, doctors advised he stop work immediately, and avoid exposure to any "fumes, vapours or chemicals," and even going outside on a dusty day.
He was "a complete mess" for the next few weeks.
"It was coming to terms with, realistically, the fact that I'm going to die from this - the only question is when," Mr Donnelly said.
"I had no idea [before the diagnosis] I was basically knocking on death's door - it's just that no one had opened it yet."
Twelve months later, his symptoms include a persistent cough, shortness of breath, fatigue, and severe pain that feels like "needles in [his] chest".
On his worst days, he can't get out of bed.
On days he does make it into the shower and out of the house, he needs someone else to tie his shoes to avoid putting pressure on his chest.
A short walk to the car "feels like a marathon". Filling up the fuel tank can leave him dry-retching and tight-chested for hours.
And instead of travelling the world as he once hoped, his future plans include funeral arrangements and finalising his will.
"It's just scary," Mr Donnelly said.
"Not knowing if it's going to be my last breath.
"My kids have seen me have seizures, they've seen me cough up blood.
"It's got to the point now where I'm having to rely on everyone else, but at the end of the day there's nothing they can do for me.
"I don't wish it on anyone."
Mr Donnelly fights negative thoughts every day to focus on his family: wife Tamara and children Colton 1, Ellie-May, 3, Summer, 11, Matilda, 12, and Tahleah, 17.
Even with a Total and Permanent Disability insurance payout, they're struggling financially with the loss of income and medical appointments requiring frequent trips to Melbourne.
Slater and Gordon's Ballarat office is assisting Mr Donnelly with a workers' compensation claim for entitlements such as a percentage of his pre-injury average weekly earnings, medical expenses, pain and suffering damages and loss of income. A GoFundMe page has also been set up.
For Mr Donnelly, it's about securing his family's future.
"Tomorrow, I might not be here, and then who's going to raise my kids?" he said.
"Who's going to help my wife pay the bills?
"When I'm gone, what's going to happen to them?"
Mr Donnelly's determined to increase the pressure for industry change and drive the message home that "there is no safe level of exposure".
"To anyone still using it [engineered stone products], I would just say look at me - do you want to end up like me? Do you want to die?" he said.
"It's all well and good to have all these nice bench tops - but is it worth a life?"
A nationwide ban on engineered stone products would be a step in the right direction, he said, but the industry need not wait for that to come into force when the evidence was clear: "it's killing people".
"There's no ifs, buts, or maybes - we just need to stop the import and export of it," Mr Donnelly said.
"The whole industry needs to take a stand and say we're not going to use this, we're not going to kill anymore.
"To have all these people still out there working with it, thinking they're providing for their families - it's just stupid, it's crazy."
