Survivor felt 'like a ghost' hearing premier apologise for care abuse

Between 1928 and 1990, an estimated 90,000 Victorian children were placed into institutions such as orphanages, children's homes and missions run by the state or religious groups.

Ballarat's orphanages and children's homes have had a long history of allegations of abuse levelled at them, including at the former Ballarat's Nazareth House Girls' Home, run by the Sisters of Nazareth.

In 2002, allegations emerged of children at the Ballarat Orphanage being repeatedly raped, sexually assaulted, hit with canes and belts, and locked inside cupboards.

"Today we acknowledge a shameful chapter in our history and the experience of a group of Victorians who have fought a long time to be heard," Ms Allan said during the parliament session on Thursday, February 8.

"To those children who were abused and neglected during their time in care, we humbly and unreservedly apologise."

One survivor who attended the live stream in Ballarat said it felt like an "out of body experience."

Maggie Schirmer, 55, said the apology left her dissociated and "like a ghost".

"The apology itself was a lot to take in and because it's taken so long, part of us were resisting it," she said.

"It certainly touched the right spots and was what we needed."

Ms Schirmer, who was in hostels from ages 12 through 18 in the 1970s, including Winlaton Youth Training Centre, said while the apology has brought up a lot from her past - she said she experienced sexual abuse and neglect.

"Some people get confused as to why people who are survivors stick around for all of these support groups when it's such a reminder, but because you can't step away from it because it's such a big part of your life," she said.

"It always is with you, you carry it with you."

Another survivor who attended the Ballarat livestream was Yorta Yorta elder Alex.

Alex survived medical abuse and said they lived in a house run by "paedophiles," and lived in a Catholic Care home for women and other care hostels.

Alex, 58, said the apology was "well overdue".

"It was really hard for me to come today," they said.

"There's a lot of us who struggle, just trying to put one foot in front of the other, to get out of bed."

Alex said a lot more needs to be done.

Lorraine Kendall was one survivor who was sitting in Parliament during the apology, who felt the emotion of the day hard.

"I feel wound up, like everything came back up again," she said.

Ms Kendall spent most of her early childhood at an institution in Royal Park, before being moved to the Ballarat Orphanage in 1950, and dealt with physical and sexual abuse.

Ms Kendall said she was tired of hearing "I'm sorry".

"I heard the premier say regret which I feel is a better word than sorry," she said.

"Anyone can say sorry and not mean it."

Survivors were given a certificate of the apology signed by the premier.

Ms Kendall said she will hang it up in her home in Bundaberg.

"I will read it and keep reading it and it will keep going for whatever life I've got left," she said.

Ms Kendall said she cried during the apology, but was most upset when the man next to her said it was his father who had died, having been sexually assaulted in care.

Ms Kendall said she worked 30 years as a geriatric nurse, and lived her life with kindness.

"I never worked with my head, I worked with my heart - because what the orphanage did to me, I block it out and do the opposite of what they did to me," she said.

Survivor and president of Care Leavers Australasia Network, CLAN, Sue Whittington-Stevens watched the apology live from Western Australia.

Ms Whittington-Stevens lived in the Ballarat Orphanage in the 1960s, facing abuse and neglect, along with her brother who was sexually abused.

She said she was impressed with the "breadth" of the apology.

"I felt quite validated by the depth of what she touched on," Ms Whittington-Stevens said.

Ms Whittington-Stevens was consulted about parts of the speech and said hearing it delivered was moving.

"My CLAN vice-president Heather's story was referred, the story about her mum having to send her back was particularly moving," she said.

"That's just one person's story - there were 90,000 children and everybody's story, whether they were in the orphanage for three weeks or their entire childhood, every story is valid and everybody would have been subjected to some degree of physical cruelty."

Ms Whittington-Stevens said to survivors to "stand tall."

"Let's get this recorded in Australia's history books," she said.

"What I want to see happen now is as many people who can get their stories out there. And the apology mentioned the word shame and let's just released that burden of shame and let's dump it back on all those politicians.

"Let's just move the shame. Let's get rid of our shame."

Affected by this story? There is help available.

You can phone the Ballarat Centre Against Sexual Assault, in Sebastopol, on 5320 3933, or free-call the crisis care line 24 hours on 1800 806 292.

Or phone Lifeline on 13 11 14, the Blue Knot Foundation on 1300 657 380, or Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. Care Leavers Australian Network 1800 008 774, 0425 204 747.