SETTING boundaries with strong value-based rules are vital to help young people face growing fears of going to school, a leading child and adolescent psychiatrist says.
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Two years in pandemic lockdowns and home learning have lead to an increase in consumption habits among young people and fewer opportunities to contribute to community groups, Andrew Wake said in a University of Melbourne rural health public lecture this week. The result was "an increase in the me and decrease in the us", creating a rise of social and emotional problems at school and at home.
Dr Wake said girls had been particularly hard hit by pandemic conditions with a rise in anxiety and self-harm and greater addictive habits with technology.
Loreto College this term called on the help of a drama expert to work with students in overcoming high levels of social anxiety crippling students from speaking or performing before classmates after two years predominantly in home learning.
Drama teachers at the school had noticed a sharp increase in notes from parents asking for their daughter to be excused from class due to anxieties. The school worked with a National Institute of Dramatic Art trainer in a bid to rebuild confidence.
Dr Wake encouraged parents to ensure their children, particularly teenagers, were meeting three key criteria: they were caring for themselves with exercise, diet and hygiene; they were caring for family,in their actions; and, they were caring to contribute or learning to contribute to household work.
If a parent felt a child was lacking in any area, Dr Wake said it was important to address the issue and work out what was going wrong because the issue would not just go away. He said push-back was likely and it was important parents do not get combative but negotiate, drawing on personal and family values, according to the child's moral development.
For most, Dr Wake said, "concrete" boundaries were key for the child to realise these "won't break" and they would need to shift their energy to dealing with their fear, such as going to school. If a child wanted to break the rules, then they can make that choice but "pay for it" with clear consequences.
"Fear is a great motivator but it takes energy, Desire is a good motivator...but it gives energy," Dr Wake said.
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The Good Enough Parent author encouraged parents to gradually reintroduce children to structure and settings where they felt a sense of belonging, such as sport. When visitors called past, he suggested a rule in which everyone had to at least come out of their rooms and say hello.
Dr Wake said all children, unless they had severe depression, had some motivation because they were always doing something at home - even playing on their phones - but it just might means they lacked balance. But everyone had to learn how to overcome being anxious or angry.
Dr Wake encouraged the mantra for parents that whatever was going on was "not your problem but it is your business" in making sure children care for themselves, their family and to contribute.
"if you're finding it hard with your teenagers, this has been a tough time for us all," Dr Wake said. "Some more than others."
Dr Wake's best advice for parents to instill more confidence in their child and to help overcome anxieties was to lead by example.
"Parents living their best life is really important," Dr Wake said.
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